Squandrous

Maybe I’ve changed.

I’m a little scared of revolving doors. Insects? They creep me out. I may not be totally comfortable with extreme heights. You know what I’ve never had a problem with?

People.

All my life, I’ve thrived on people. I’ve been at ease in large crowds. I made friends easily. Public speaking was my favorite activity apart from eating and sleeping. I would often go to parties where I didn’t know anyone (just the host, of course) to meet new people and extend my network.

Large conferences? I thrived on large conferences. I would slip in and out of social groups, have intense discussions with strangers, and generally feel at ease with a mass of unknown people around me.

People, especially large groups of people, invigorated me.

Maybe I’ve changed.

I’m at SXSW right now and while I’ve been okay in the large crowd, I’ve constantly been looking for space, for time to escape. Right now, I’m back at my hotel room catching up on my Google Reader unread items and enjoying some alone time — this has been the best hour I’ve spent since arriving in Austin.

It’s not that I’m not having fun, or that I’m not meeting (or reconnecting with) some wonderful friends, or that I’m not learning from the stories and experiences of the people around me. It’s just that recently I’ve been recognizing an acute need to spend time on my own, to separate myself from the hubbub and chaos of the world that surrounds me — not just at SXSW or at other conferences, but in everyday life.

Maybe I’m turning into an introvert. Maybe I’m getting old. Maybe I just like myself a little more these days and see value in spending time with me.

I still love public speaking, meeting new people, and hanging out with groups of friends. I’ve just realized that I really love crawling under the covers and reading a good magazine on my own, or even spending time with a loved one, in relative silence doing our own thing, each of us alone but together at the same time.

Maybe I’ve changed. And I’m okay with that.