Squandrous

I once broke a man’s nose and jaw. On purpose.

Several years ago, a friend of mine called me, crying. Her boyfriend had been hitting her for the past few days, and it was getting worse.

I didn’t think to talk her through this, or call a social worker or a helpline. Instead, I took the brash decision to drive for 1.5 hours to get to her place, pick her up, and grab all her stuff out of the apartment she shared with her boyfriend, and bring her home. Along the way, I also decided to punch her boyfriend in the face. Very hard. Twice.

He didn’t press charges. Good.

She went back to him. Not so good.

They’ve separated ways now (thank god) but I always thought that if I had handled the situation differently, maybe she wouldn’t have had the urge to go back into the abusive relationship. Maybe if I hadn’t responded to his violence and quick temper with violence and quick temper of my own, she would have understood that she had better options than to return to a man that hit her.

It’s happening again.

This morning, I got a phone call from another friend who confided to me that she had been stuck in a cycle of abuse for the past little while and hadn’t told anyone. She was telling me now because it was getting worse and she didn’t know what to do.

My first instinct was to get on a plane and fly for 1.5 hours to pick her up, punch her boyfriend in the face, and bring her back to my place so she could get away from the situation.

Instead, we started talking. I got her to move back into her parents’ place for the next few days (without them knowing the real reason — she’s not ready to tell them right now) and I’ve connected her with a social worker. She’s already scheduled for a preliminary counseling appointment tomorrow to help her talk out her situation and explore her options. We’re staying in regular contact over the phone and IM to make sure she feels like she has support. I’m flying out to see her soon and make sure she’s okay.

I’m not sure if I’ve done the right thing, but I’m trying my best. For now, I’m just happy that I’m working my hardest to break this cycle of violence without resorting to violence myself.